Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
