I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
