i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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