whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
