just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
