I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize