Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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