apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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