Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
