I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
