i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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