Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
