pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I could make wine with my vomit
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
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