I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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