I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
