I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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