I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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