oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
