My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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