I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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