You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
