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You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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