i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
