how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
