I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
