My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
