Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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