I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
