FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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