I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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