We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
