The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
