was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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