yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
