I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
