I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
