Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
