Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I love having hate sex.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
