Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize