I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
