dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
