Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
