he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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