im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
