Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
