I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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