She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
