I think I won the penis lottery.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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