We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
