Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
