I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
