I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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