You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
