Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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