2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
