I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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