Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize