Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
