So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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