i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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