I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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