Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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