he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I am spending my child support on dildos
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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