hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just puked most of my soul out..
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