soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize