Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
