just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
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